Our pediatric surgeon asked me last week if I would "do it all again" and at the time I thought she meant get pregnant again and I was like "oh I don't know"...ha what woman at 37 weeks pregnant wants to be pregnant ever again? Especially someone who has had a 42 week belly since she was 29 weeks pregnant!
I realized after she left that she meant our decision to go ahead with the pregnancy knowing that the baby may not survive. I won't lie and say that it has been easy but I can say that I have no regrets. We wanted to give him the opportunity to live and that's exactly what he will receive tomorrow. I have done my very best to be positive, enjoy the pregnancy, and love him with all my heart. It has been a challenging mental and emotional battle. I have made a story book for the baby documenting life before him and the pregnancy and hope to tell him of his awesome recovery. I am well aware that I could also write about his passing on. It is surreal. Time has moved slowly.
Now we are entering a different phase...time will pass more slowly and there will be a lot of ups and downs as we just take each day at a time. And more waiting. I have decided that whenever I am getting really worried in the next few days, weeks, months, I am just going to remind myself that he is alive right now. That simple thought has helped me get through the last few weeks of my pregnancy and has pulled me through the bad days. I will let you know if it keeps working.
Neil and I feel ready and very excited to meet our little baby and will cherish whatever amount of time we have with him.