Monday, January 17, 2011

1 more sleep

Our Capricorn baby will arrive tomorrow! I am hoping he is a very stubborn little goat who hangs in there and gives a good fight. The caesarean is scheduled for 1p! Thanks for all your emails, phone calls and texts. I feel very lucky to have so many caring and supportive people in my life.

Our pediatric surgeon asked me last week if I would "do it all again" and at the time I thought she meant get pregnant again and I was like "oh I don't know"...ha what woman at 37 weeks pregnant wants to be pregnant ever again? Especially someone who has had a 42 week belly since she was 29 weeks pregnant!

I realized after she left that she meant our decision to go ahead with the pregnancy knowing that the baby may not survive. I won't lie and say that it has been easy but I can say that I have no regrets. We wanted to give him the opportunity to live and that's exactly what he will receive tomorrow. I have done my very best to be positive, enjoy the pregnancy, and love him with all my heart. It has been a challenging mental and emotional battle. I have made a story book for the baby documenting life before him and the pregnancy and hope to tell him of his awesome recovery. I am well aware that I could also write about his passing on. It is surreal. Time has moved slowly.

Now we are entering a different phase...time will pass more slowly and there will be a lot of ups and downs as we just take each day at a time. And more waiting. I have decided that whenever I am getting really worried in the next few days, weeks, months, I am just going to remind myself that he is alive right now. That simple thought has helped me get through the last few weeks of my pregnancy and has pulled me through the bad days. I will let you know if it keeps working.

Neil and I feel ready and very excited to meet our little baby and will cherish whatever amount of time we have with him.


  1. ok...we've had our one more sleep in Canada and we're ready to welcome our baby boy! Wake up Australia we have our grandson on the way!

    I am so proud you and Neil choosing to the opportunity for our boy's life.

    Tara you have carried him with the heart, commitment, and strength of a mother bear. A big Canadian mother black bear and a very strong swimmer I might add!

    I hope you and Neil are able to feel our hopes, prayers and love for you all as we eagerly welcome our baby boy.

    xox Grandma-in-waiting

  2. Tara and Neil. Our hearts and prayers are with the three of you. Your little guy sounds like a fighter (esp based on his reaction to your last amnio!) and I think he has the best chance in the world with you two as parents. I am incredibly proud of you and admire your strength. Not anyone could get through what you have and still see the joy/humour in the day-to-day stuff.
    I'm anxiously awaiting your babe's arrival. Be strong.
    Lots of love, Jaymie, Hicham and Zainab